Grandma
Written at 8:22 a.m. on 2006-08-29
Grandma
My grandma died last night. She was riddled with cancer and we knew it was coming, we also knew it was what she wanted and that it meant an end to horrendous pain and indignity but it�s still crap. I know that wherever she is now she�ll be happy and she�ll be with granddad and be young and beautiful again but I�m still going to miss her. I�m just glad I went the day before to see her. My mum and my aunt Sue were both away for the day so they asked me to go and feed her. She couldn�t talk by then but she gave me the most beautiful smile when I went in and carried on smiling as I chatted to her and gave her some lunch. It was the best I�d seen her in a long time and she didn�t seem to be in so much pain. When mum and Sue got the call last night to go into the home because she was dying I decided not to go as well, although Sue�s daughter was going. I wanted to remember her as she�s been that day, smiling and peaceful and I haven�t ever seen someone die so I wasn�t sure if she would be struggling or just slip away. Now I�m not sure I did the right thing. Maybe I should have gone, maybe she would have liked us all there, the 4 of us who had done the most looking after of her and of granddad when he was dying. Bit late now I suppose. The unfortunate thing is that my brother gets married on Saturday and now he�s really worried that his wedding will be crap because our family are going to be upset over grandma. He is also unsure what to do about honeymoon as the funeral is likely to be during his holiday. I told him that grandma would want him to go and that a funeral is just a service, he can say goodbye to her anywhere and in any way and it�ll mean just as much but I don�t think he was entirely convinced.
I suppose at least the pain has gone for her now so that�s something but it doesn�t always make you feel any better does it?
