Great Weekend and hen night whinge.
Written at 1:08 p.m. on 2006-06-29
Great Weekend and hen night whinge.
Well the weekend and Lou�s wedding was FAB!! We all got ready in Lou�s honeymoon suite room and it was absolutely huge. The room even had its own little private garden which Lou said she was going to have to have sex in, simply because she could. The weather cleared up and the sun came out and everyone stood around the bandstand while they had their service. My readings both went fine, didn�t stumble, accidentally swear or fall backwards off the bandstand, all things I had had visions of doing and Barry even cried while he said his vows which was really cute.
The reception was also a great success. The best man had never done public speaking before and was terrified of doing his speech. He missed out a whole page, had a minute long silence while he tried to find his place and finished off with �Now for fuck�s sake someone get me a fucking pint�. Louise�s gran looked like a wasp had flown right up her nose, she is not a women who uses the word fuck in casual conversation. My speech went fine apart from the fact that half the room couldn�t hear it because Barry�s family were having a row over who was going to get to nick the hired candelabra and put it in their car boot.
The only problem with the whole thing was Barry�s family. Barry is the nicest, most normal, genuine bloke you will ever meet. At the very great risk of sounding like a snob, Barry�s family are a collection of chavtastic freeloading maniacs. No fewer that 5 of them were seen heading for the car park with hired candelabras and flower arrangements, Barry�s dad had 10 adults and 4 kids in their hotel room and spent the night ordering drinks from room service and charging them to random rooms. Quite a few people got a charge for his drinks, including the bride and groom. The bride�s father also received a bill for �500 for cleaning up the ornamental garden because Barry�s dad and Barry�s sister�s crack addict boyfriend had spent the whole morning throwing up over the award winning flower beds and the patio. And another one of Barry�s family broke a bed. The number of people that Barry�s dad had not told the hotel were in various rooms meant that they hadn�t made enough food for breakfast. Barry�s family had anticipated that and had gone down at 8 for breakfast, including second and third helpings, so by the time the rest of us who had actually paid for bed and breakfast (�120 so not cheap) had bugger all to eat because the freeloaders had scoffed it all. Charming family but all in all a great wedding.
My wedding is 2 weeks on Saturday so it�s my hen night this Saturday. A bigger pain in the ass it is hard to imagine. People say they�re coming, then they say they aren�t, then they can�t decide. Clare, one of my bridesmaids who has done the square root of sod all to assist with my wedding told me on the phone the other day that she couldn�t come to the day bit of the hen party because she had to take her mum (who has broken her ankle) to do her weekly shop. Now that�s a pretty shit excuse anyway as shops are open Sunday and the shopping could be done then but I really ought to tell her that it is courteous when lying to someone to maintain the lie for the duration of the phone call, not 25 minutes later accidentally drop into the conversation that you aren�t coming because you�re going for a look round the clothes shops in the Trafford Centre with your boyfriend. As a bridesmaid you have certain duties and going to the hen party is one of them. Unless you are Clare it seems, in which case you don�t need to bother. She�s one of these that gets a bloke and disappears for months, not turning up to anything and not phoning or returning calls until he vanishes or she chucks him and then she�s back again. Which doesn�t usually bother me but it�s my sodding wedding and since I made her a bridesmaid I do think she could be just a tiny bit less selfish than usual. Grrrr��
I think I maybe starting to get wedding stress, Woe betide anyone that winds me up in the next couple of weeks. I�m really worried that my hen night will be crap and people will hate the wedding. Is this normal? OOoh update: Clare my bridesmaid has just phoned me. Conversation went like this:
Clare: Sorry I didn�t ring you back last night, I know I was meant to but Sean came round again. Blah blah blah me me me�. By the way I might be very late to the hen party.
Me: Why?
C: Because I�ve got to go to the Trafford Centre with Sean to buy him a suit.
Me: He�s 40. Can�t he buy his own clothes by now.
C: No, I don�t trust him to buy something repectable.
Me: So why not go in the morning.
C: I�ve got to sort mum�s house out.
Me: Then go on Sunday.
C: Can�t. Mum wants to do her food shopping and she wants me and Marie to go with her.
Me: So tell her you can�t because you have to get Sean a suit and you couldn�t do it on Saturday because you were at my hen do.
C: But when Marie took her on her own it took 4 hours.
Me: I�m not being funny but you need to get her told that you can�t do it. Stand up for yourself. Even someone from Leeds is managing to get there for the day do and Charlotte Walker is getting to the evening do despite having had 2 break ins in a week and a mother in the middle of chemotherapy.
C: Well I need to go to the Trafford Centre to see if I can find something to wear to look like a gangster and so either me or Marie will drive and we�ll meet you in town.
At this point I gave up because I could feel the red mist drifting in. The Trafford Centre opens at 10 and she�s giving out that she can�t get into town till 8, 9ish? Don�t make me laugh you selfish cow. And to think she was asking me if she could sign the register. Yeah, right, on the off chance that Sean doesn�t pop round and you actually make it to the wedding in time for the service? Get bent. If you hear an explosive rumbling in the near future don't worry, the world is not ending, it's just me losing my temper.
