I've joined the gym!!
Written at 11:40 a.m. on 2006-02-23
Purgatory and the gym.
I have joined the gym. Yes me, the person whose backside does a fair impression of having been surgically attached to the sofa has conquered her fear of people in lycra with toned stomachs and joined a gym.
I looked at 2 gyms. The first one was cheaper but the machines were very close together and I couldn�t help thinking that perhaps if someone on the machine next to me was sweating excessively and jiggling about on a treadmill the effect may be much the same as being caught in a summer downpour. No one wants to be drenched in someone elses sweat so that one was out.
Then I went to look at the one M goes to. I liked this one for two reasons. One, it looked posher and I�m a complete snob and two, it was bigger so there were far more machines. This means I can find a machine at the back, away from all the fit people who can run 40 miles a session on one of those treadmill thingies and means no one will laugh when I manage to do half a kilometer, get off the machine and have a Bridget Jones style moment when my legs give way underneath me and I end up in an undignified heap on the floor.
The bad thing about joining a gym is that you have to have a �health check�. This is a 15 minute session sat in an office and it�s purpose is purely to make the fitness instructor feel happy about their worthy lifestyle while you get more and more embarrassed about the fact you are a total slob with a life expectancy of 30.
Fitness Instructor: Do you exercise?
Me: Er, not often. I throw stuff for the dog in the back garden. Does that count?
FI:No.
Me: Ah.
FI: Do you drink?
Me: Define drink. I�m not like an alkie or anything but I like wine.
FI: How much wine?
Me: Depends where I am and who I�m with.
FI: Do you smoke?
Me: Yes.
FI: (look of utter disgust) You are aware it�s bad for you aren�t you? That it destroys your lungs and gives you cancer?
Me: The fact had been pointed out to me a couple of times, yes.
And so on and so on. Most embarrassing, karma is an evil thing. Still, I got through the health check, booked in for an induction then took my new �Sweat towel� (didn�t dare ask what you do with a sweat towel, I�m not sure I want to know), went home and had some chocolate and a glass of red wine to recover from the trauma of actually joining gym.
Eventually I�m hoping to work up to actually doing some exercise there but I don�t feel it would be wise to rush things, one step at a time. Wooooo, I�m quite out of breath even thinking about it, better go out for ciggie.
