Threats, cereal boxes and exposing oneself.
Written at 11:52 a.m. on 2005-10-13
THREATS - Well, the first one has appeared for this year. Yes I'm talking about warnings that Islamic fundamentalists have threatened to blow up the Trafford Centre (huge shopping centre next to my work)during the christmas shopping rush. This happens every year and I guess eventually someone will get round to it. Why can't they just get a nice hobby like origami or knitting? If they had a weekly stitch and bitch session, with some nice cakes and cups of tea (like my Auntie Susan does) they wouldn't feel the need to blow things up, they could just have a good gossip and a moan, then go home. And at the same time they are creating lovely garments for the kids. Hey presto, everyone's happy.
CEREAL BOXES - While munching my cereal this morning I was looking at the picture on the box. The picture is of some wafer thin girl with sparkling eyes, shiny hair and a figure you'd kill for looking all bright and happy and thrilled to be having a bowl of this stuff and something occurred to me. This stuff looks like guinea pig shit and tastes like reconstituted cardboard. Unless it comes with a coupon for a plastic surgeon it isn't going to make me look like the bird on the box and I'd far rather have a bacon sandwich so why the hell am I eating it? Then I remembered that me and Cass can make our lardy bits look like smily faces and realised that although the guinea pig shit isn't going to take any of the lardyness away at least it won't add to it in any great way, if only because carboard has no nutritional value. Why has no one yet invented the diet bacon and sausage sandwich? Now that is something I'd pay good money for.
EXPOSING YOURSELF - Let this be a lesson to everyone who does what I do and sleepily grabs the nearest top in the morning in the hope you'll arrive at work decently dressed. It CAN backfire. This morning I grabbed a top, crawled into the car and set off for work. It wasn't till i arrived at work that I realised the top I'd grabbed is the one I was intending to return to the shop on the grounds that it gapes at the top, displaying my assets to all and sundry. This is not a good thing, particularly when I happened to grab a blue bra which is rather noticable under a beige top. I am dying for the loo but until I can find a way to keep my top together while I walk through the IT department to the toilet I can't go. This is a dilemma because I now have to choose between exploding or showing my boobs to 10 IT lads. Crap. What do I do now? I wonder if sellotape or blu tack will work on fabric?
I'm going to attempt tp put my first picture in, it may all go horribly wrong as I'm a technological cripple and am just learning. Lets see.......
If that worked, it's me and M thoroughly drunk in the middle of Manchester!!
